Today I read a quote that really affected me,
Other women are not my competition. I stand with them, not against them.
I’ve always believed in this because I’ve been surrounded by strong, independent women all my life. My mom taught me to never depend on a man; my friends taught me to chart my own path; my roommate taught me to always follow my dreams; and experience taught me that when someone shows you their true colors, believe them.
Unfortunately I’m finding it very hard to stand amongst women and not compare myself ever since I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me.
It would be very easy for me to ruin this ‘other woman’s’ reputation, call her names, slander her all over the Internet - and I’m pretty sure no one would hold me accountable for anything that would happen to her because the one thing that unites people is heartbreak and betrayal. But the truth is, she has no responsibility towards me. Whether she knew about me or not, the only person who is accountable to me, to us, is our boyfriends/husbands. He was the one who breached his duty of loyalty, not her. She is a symptom of a much larger problem, a problem that has nothing to do with her or I.
That being said, I don’t take bullshit lying down so after I confronted him, I confronted her:
“This is Aja. Brian and I were together, as a couple, until today when I found out about you two. You are the other woman. He was with me while he has been texting you and commenting on your photos. I can’t be mad at you because I’m hoping you didn’t know - as women we have to stick together. But he did this to me while he was telling me he loved me; that I was his world; that I was his true love. You are none of these things to him so how will he treat you? Good luck.”
As I read those words my heart breaks into a million pieces. Never did I imagine I’d have to go through a situation as devastating as betrayal. I in no way contacted her because I was worried about her - I do not care what happens with her. I contacted her because I was furious and hurt and wanted to be heard. I wanted her to know that whether it was intentional or not, she will always hold the title for being “the other woman”. That being said I was not going to berate her or insult her or harass her, I am better than that.
Real woman stand tall and are strong. We don’t stand around and let people break our soul. We pick up the pieces and rebuild ourselves to come back stronger.
It has taken me a while to take a stand. I’ve had suspicions for months but always hoped that he would prove my suspicions wrong. Lesson learned, never underestimate the power of a woman’s intuition.
I took a stand, but I am not standing alone. The people in my corner who are supporting me are the women in my life. My girlfriends, my mother and even his ex-girlfriend. While there might be some bad seeds in our female community, my life is proof that real, strong, supportive women do exist.
To those of you who are going through betrayal:
People don’t cheat because of who you are, they cheat because of who they aren’t. Take the time to reflect on your relationship, learn from your mistakes, come to terms with the end of the relationship and come back better than ever. Don’t jump into a new relationship because you are lonely and don’t expect closure because there is nothing they can say or do to make you feel better about what they have done to you. Take time to heal your heart. This is going to be a long, difficult road but I am by your side every step of the way.
To my ladies:
You know who you are. You ladies are my rock, my soulmates, my inspiration. You are my strength, my shoulder to cry on and my encouragement. I look at every one of you and feel so lucky that through the craziness of life, I have developed such strong relationships.
Anyone would be lucky enough to have a great core group of friends but my group is full of entrepreneurs, fitness guru’s, social activists and fashion mavens.
We are a group of Beyonce’s - kind of… almost… in MY mind. Ok fine, we are a group of Yonce’s. But still, how cool is that? Thank you for your friendship, your love and your strength.
I love you.
the big dang theory: Know your worth and don’t settle.